Unexpected LOVE

Love is a mysterious. 

Sometimes I wonder what a real love would be? Unexpected meeting with unexpected person in unexpected time, strange and unpredictable moment. Which draws both people in to unexpected feeling. This unexpected feeling we call it "LOVE". Why? So, I had never expected unexpected question gonna ever popped out your head, because I'm afraid I might give you unpredictable answer. What I know it is miraculous if someone ever falling in love. We have no reason why we fall  in love. If someone can give you the reason why they love you, I think she/he doesn't love you. But they like you. However love based on emotion not definition.  Agree?

So do you think for awhile, what makes us fall in love? It right be right that beauty and goo looking are capture our attention at first. But personality captures our heart. Sometimes people do ask us out for a walk or just hangout together, but for for sure they stick around because of our personality. We knew beauty is nothing without a great personality. And whenever we fall in love , I'm sure we can see our lover is always perfect,  because we can receive the weakness of our partner. That's why people called LOVE is BLIND. O,o

Someday, I hope to be someone for somebody.

Am I just hoping for nothing? You know I actually feel it. I bought two T-shirts and a pink cup. ANd I have planned to hand them over  whenever chance draws us together. I don't know, I did something weird just because my telepathic feeling toward this situation keeping me stay close to what I call it Love chemistry. Argghh... I don't really get what am I thinking about. What am I doing? Discovered someone I considered as the one who is so so so special really makes done unexpected thing. Hope is hiking and getting up there sooner or later. I need some foot holds to keep me going also strong ropes to prevent me from falling down. To reach the top in high place is some part of my dream. Or stay close to someone heart, to be dearest one will be taking high rate of my dream. I know I have my right to do this. I have chance and I will keep finding the opportunity. I know I can do it. I can make it. I keep fighting for it.  Just a  little more, I must work harder and keep my positive thinking. Love is the greatest part of me. It encourages me to move further. I know I can be a successful person in everything in this life and not just be someone in the crowd. I know I can be much more better than anyone I have ever met. And so being with someone I like and hold him tight in my arms. Mine and I won't share with anyone. SOmeone, who took place in my heart. Someone who makes me be a better person. I know I have this confident to keep me going. I know because with God's help I will never fail.

I have no idea, again I'm trapped between the emptiness. I do feel exhausted , left, but I don't feel lonely.

Expect the Unexpected

I've been feeling quite weird, something must have been not right with me, I couldn't say that I'm not actually okay but I talked a lot today, to my aunt to my dad, I didn't understand somehow. I expect too much things in my life, I just couldn't let it go with the flow. See! I'm working hard for what I really want to be happen in the near future. This is a dream. Every time my mind catches with so many beautiful things, and I'm sure they wouldn't come easily or instantly. I believe we need to work hard just to get it. Life full of surprise but planning is necessary sometimes. It will keep balance and keep a good direction for what we are heading. Life is full of unexpected moment. So I expect the unexpected. Here my poem, new fresh poem from my complicated mind.
Enjoy!

I know what I do is a strange thing, 
But I can't stop or pause it ending, 
I know what are people thinking, 
But I keep quiet and still pretending,
I know life brought me so much pleasures,
Its uncountable and keep in mind at first,
I should be grateful and not careless,
Because I vowed my dream to the universe,

 Keep expecting unexpected thing,
Keep admiring without known being,
Keep destiny and dreams in silent praying,
I know that God is listening, replying,
 Gives answers for my journey in happy ending.

Patience through time

"I've no reason to feel insecure. Something might coming perfectly, I guess I need a little more time to do better than this. It's gonna be a shame of me if I giving this opportunity up. Because I don't want to tear myself away from the game. Love need process and patience. I might expect to be romantically involve with anything I desire though. But I always be careful for what I wish for. Think twice act wise, I really wanna practice it in my real life. On the other hand I found out myself too hard on my own imagination. You know it's kinda unhealthy stuff for me. However , I understand it is not completely rotten. I've self confidence even I'm not qualified person who applies. I'll reach miles away with my patience....!!! Wait for me, Love.......... ♥

Unconscious

Last night I hold my cell phone to sleep, I forgot what I was checking at that time or I guess I was looking at the picture till I fallen asleep. Not for long I clearly remember that my phone dropped off my hand to the side of my bed. I felt unconscious and really sleepy so I just didn't bother about it. The next morning my grandmother woke me up as usual. So I grab my phone which usually I put beside me. I was surprised that I didn't find it there. I got up and on the light to look for it. And in the end I remember what was happening last night, I shifted my bed and found my phone there, dirty, dusty and messed up with rubbish. But thanks God that it was alright, because usually my phone always broke into pieces whenever in once drops. Anyway, why I keep looking at that picture? Hi picture, don't try to mess up with me!!!! I'm warning you!

Little star

I think I over excited for what I have been thinking about future, or I should say I expected too much about it. Well.. There was a star sparkling in the sky, It delighted my eyes, I wasn't quiet sure about it lighted exactly for me, but I should say that it was really bright my previous days. You see how much it took some of my confident out. And I admit that I was happy to see it. Just because I was too over excited or some how what? I don't know what to say but now I am feeling down, just because I don't see the star anymore. Once the star spoke to me that it was a lightning , you know what? A spark that light before rain , that's the sign, I don't wish it to comes in sudden and goes immediately . I remember the smile, that's I only remember... The smile

Through the blackest night, morning gently tiptoes, feeling its way to dawn.

Young people and the fool

Today I had quiet serious conversation with my sweetheart and he told me something I should remember. I'm not quite sure about it but after I read understand it carefully, think about it more times, then I obtained it's truth , he said that he was borrowing si'ir (verse) Sunan Bonang (ma'dum ibrahim): 


* YOUNG PEOPLE AND THE FOOL 
Many people are being imprisoned by the mind, creation, good nature, the devil satan, dreaming endlessly which lead them to something meaningless. PEOPLE FALL INTO THE HELL  OF THE WORLD  because drowned by Panca indra ( five senses ) , pursuing the wonderlust of Five colors  BLACK, RED, YELLOW, AND WHITE, ONCE IN LARGE AMOUNTS, absorbed INTO his body. I miss my first life, when I still pure and never known dream , never known directions, Never known black, red, white, yellow green, blue . When will I be back to my first life. My Born in the world of death is so hard because I have a heart as people which contained new characters.


It is not easy to understand , yet we need special thinking to get the verse's meaning. But I had very much time listening to this kinda stuff before and I had a conclusion that if I had a choice or human had a choice, they wouldn't be born into the world. Human born to the world is actually only to serve God, but the beauty of natures delight our eyes so that we forgot our first mission. In this case the verse told that he missed his first life, life when he was holly pure, without sin because he hasn't born to the world yet. He has not smelled the sense of the the world, the world which full of lust, colors, dust, dirt, and any kinda human behaviors who live in it . Could you imagine what I mean?

In my opinion, this is what we call it trials or testimonies . Don't just want to get what really want hey Human! Because nothing comes instantly, you have to fight in your every pace in your whole life.


To be continued......................

Little Heron above the sea

Look at that picture, I took awhile the bird was flying. I couldn't help myself feel so excited however. This is amazing!! I might not good at taking picture though but I really feel satisfied and so much pleasure whenever I hold my camera and zoom it close to the subject am I going to shoot. That day the weather was quite gloomy and breezy. It was about to rain after awhile. Thank God that I've reached home when the rain came.
Another picture was this one.Do you see the white heron sit on the stick?

It caught up my eyes and didn't want to lose opportunity to shoot it. That's quite awesome and what I didn't understand why was that Heron sit over there on the stick. Just quietly stayed. I was wondering that if It couldn't fly up again or what. I wasn't sure if it purposely flew ad sit there endlessly.

And, still have a few pictures of Heron, well it was actually only one bird but I kept taking picture of it while it walked, so here we are..Hope you enjoy them :) 

The picture was close and really good :) . It was looking at my camera
hehehe












                                                                                                             






It walked continually, I had to follow it :D

And  it finally stopped on the small rock, wew.. I liked it so much. It was too bad that my camera couldn't managed to be zoomed any closer anymore, But I think this is quite much clear right? :D 

I really love to take picture though , just my time to go out is not very often, that's problem. But always, I will take more pictures whenever I'm outside the house :D .

One day vacation

Finally I went out for vacation today. It was my habit to go to beach each time I'm free to go out. It gives me calmness mind and improve my inner thinking. Anyway, that was my second purpose. My first one was to get this.

                                 

You know what is that? Of course match, s.match or live match. whatever :) . But really I'm happy I finally got it. This match I bought for someone and for special reason however. New design match which made me like it even when the first time I saw it. It took long time to get it however because it's far and need quite long time. At least I had to take a leave for a day and go there in hours. Isn't it cool? I think it's quiet good as remembrance or simply give it to anyone, Especially if she or he is smoker O,o . hehehe just kidding :D. Alas, I got it and I finally feel  extremely happy. Beside I want to tell about this bird, I saw a bird flying above the sea water and it finally sit at one stick. It was kinda funny but I managed to take picture of it. Here I was looking at the bird. I'm not sure it's Heron, but I guessed so .

It somehow stayed there for quite long time. I wondered why? I couldn't wait for it to fly and I finally went off. Walking around the garden while looking at the beautiful scenery really made me feel good. Sea, seashore , mountain, trees, flowers. They are too wonderful and seemed not enough words just to describe it. But the most amazing thing in my life among them was sea water, somehow I felt like jumping into it, diving deep inside and find another amazing creatures inside there. Too bad that the water is too much dirty and muddy. Probably the effluent of the irresponsible factory which flow it and finally mix it with sea water. That's horrible!  Anyway, I don't want to talk about it any further, it will make me nausea , yeah....motion yuck LOL. 

After taking a long walk I finally got tired and went home, I did actually take a lot pictures hehehe also the flying bird OMG, I will add it later on. My last picture was this one, though I look really ugly on this one but anyway, just the way I am , peace.................I went home with happiness. 

Say no to Plagiarism

Yesterday I went to ebaby and there was interesting lesson there. I couldn't wait to share it here because I was wondering about it before about. That was about Plagiarism. According to the informations I've gathered. It's been almost happening in the whole wide world. Plagiarism becoming the biggest issue in the college students. It gets highest rate as a bad student’s habit . In my country, Indonesia (sorry to mention the brand hehehe.....) , plagiarism known as ‘’ copy paste ’’ , it isn’t something strange or taboo to talk about, because it rooting as a culture and very common happen in university life. Mostly students plagiarize due to catch up with assignments in a short time. As a student I had to admit of course I did my research by accessing the internet rather than flipping up every page of my book. hehehe…….But as far as I know by copying and editing, the idea will get more complicated and my works were getting alot. It is important to know the exact source and the idea from the article and then try to put them in our own words. As an educated student we cannot just being underachiever, receiving everything in packets and swallow it immediately. I’m sure it will difficult to digest. I don’t like the idea of plagiarism though, as we know that the old time students used to develop knowledge by inventing new idea and critical thinking , but now we are in the process of being fooled by technology….. O,o. Some professors / lecturers insist the students to complete assignments in a very limited time. It is like kinda suggest the students to gather the information by accessing the internet. In my opinion Nobody should be blamed though, but I feel sorry if the case continue like this without any special prevention / giving the students an appropriate punishments for plagiarizing , give an F immediately or kick them out of the school. What I was wondering why like this, don't we have to study it further? Why do they lead new generations for being cheaters? It probably still in the big question mark?

Novel Ayat Ayat Cinta ( The Verse of Love )

The story begins in a suburb of an Egyptian street where Fahri, the post-graduate Islamic studies student from Indonesia were studying at Al-Azhar and his friendship with Maria, a Christian Coptic girl living upstairs.

It is interesting how the author portray the amicable relationship between a religious and pious Muslim and a devoted Christian Coptic family. Despite having different faith, their love for The Holy Lord unites them in the name of humanity and compassion. Something that really like was the part where Fahri asked Maria

for help, when another Muslim girl downstairs, Noura was being brutally tortured by her ‘father’. Fahri SMS Maria and plead her help for the sake of Isa al-Masih (Jesus Christ) hehehe... as Maria was reluctant to get involved and Fahri couldn’t attend to the girl as he observed a stringent religious code of conduct that prohibits him for touching the non-Mahram. There is also a part when Fahri went for a dinner with Maria’s family in a posh restaurant and Maria asked him to dance with her. Strongly upholding his faith, he explained to Maria graciously why he could not accept her offer to dance together and Marie politely understand.  Another memorable part for  is the first encounter between Fahri and Aisha, a Turkish-German lady who eventually asked for a marriage proposal via her uncle that happened to know Fahri personally. They first met in a public transport, when Fahri defended an American lady; Alicia who was being mocked by the Egyptians for she was an American (another Arab anti-American rhetoric). Aisha who was happened to be there joined to protect Alicia from being harmed by the emotionally-naive Egyptians. They managed to exchange contacts and Aisha made friend with Alicia, as she was eager to learn more about Islam from her. She contacted Fahri to arrange for a meet- up as Alicia wanted to ask him questions about Islam. Fahri had also seek Maria’s help to translate an Arabic book on Islam to English so Alicia can have a copy of it and read it herself. To cut the story short, Fahri and Aisha finally get married in a moderately-lavish wedding, all arranged by Aisha. When Fahri was first proposed by Aisha’s guardian in Egypt, he had no idea how Aisha look like. He thought it was Nurul, (an Indonesia undergraduate that he likes and she in return also silently likes him) that had sent someone for a marriage proposal; instead he was shocked when it was Aisha, the lady barely met twice. As Aisha is wearing a ‘niqab’, he had no idea how she looked like. During the marriage proposal or in Syariah known as ‘khitbah’, Aisha revealed her face to Fahri, where he was mesmerized by her exceptional beauty, SubhanALLAH…”Fa bi ayyi alaai rabbikuma tukazziban” (And which bounty of your Lord that you want to refuse- Surah Al-Rahman) Without knowing that Aisha is a wealthy heir of her millionaire mum who married a Muslim convert while doing some ‘dakwah’, Fahri was shocked that Aisha brought him to a luxurious apartment facing the Nile River of Egypt. He was even given two ATM cards with hundred thousands worth of money inside. Aisha was determined and had full faith that these money and all her assets will be used for greater good by her beloved husband. Aisha loves Fahri very much. Nevertheless, not used to luxurious life requested that they sell the luxurious apartment and live moderately. He even told his wife that he wanted to return to Indonesia and continue his ‘dakwah’ work. Being a diligent wife, she willingly agrees. Here, I personally see some resemblance to sacrifices of the very first Ummul Mukminin, Sayyidatina Khadijah r.a.

Anyway, coming back to this story, the apex of the story is when Fahri was accused of raping Noura (the girl that he helped). Noura had filed charges against him purposely as she was upset and disappointed with Fahri for rejecting her love (She once gave a love letter to Fahri and Fahri entrusted the letter to his teacher  so no one knows about the love letter axcept Fahri , and his teacher but unfortunately died and the deceased was very strict in maintaining trust , even he never told his wife where he kept things people entrusted to him so Aisha couldn't find a way to help Fahri free from a fault accusation of rape ), On the other part Fahri was in prison and received the announcement letter that he expelled from Al Azhar. Fahri cried even couldn't hold to stand, his fellow mate in the jail told him to get up and listen to him " this is not the end of the world Fahri " he said . He told Fahri that this time is actually Allah is speaking to him, Allah is reminding him not to be arrogant, but Fahri didn't listen and cried " what have I done? Why Allah did this to me? " . The man told him to remember who was he? What had he done this time? " Haven't you been arrogant Fahri?" asked the man in high tune. "You think you are the most righteous, you think you are the holiest. Even in front of your own wife!" continue the man.  He reminded him  of the tale about Joseph and Zulaika (Prophet's tale), Zulaika accused Joseph of raping her. But actually it was she herself couldn't resist Joseph's charm . Slander is all slander. Zulaika accused Joseph of raping her so that Joseph would be imprisoned. " Did he revolt?" Continued the man "NO. Fahri!'' "Because Joseph knew that Allah was talking to him. Do you want to know what has Joseph said? Do you know what he said?" The man repeatedly. Joseph said " Ya Allah , if my life would have more meaning for me here in jail than in the outside world then I would choose here in jail but close to you. Rather than living together with liars. The man told Fahri that this time Allah is telling him to be patient and sincere, Patience and sincerity that's Islam. Fahri cried loudly and prayed. Now The only alibi that can testify of Fahri’s innocence is Maria. However, she was in a coma. Her illness is unknown but it was said that her health begun to get worst after Fahri’s marriage. Finally AIsha went to see Maria's family, at first Maria's mother didn't let her in, but yes  at last. Maria's mother told everything and handed Maria's diary to her. Inside Maria's diary that Aisha read : I thought Moslem is close minded and self-righteous, but after meeting Fahri I saw peace. I could feel that Islam is truly a religion that brings peace, From his attitude Fahri has opened my eyes to so many things , about honesty, straight fowardness, modesty without cowardice. Fahri also taught me that everyone is equal, be it man or woman. Christ, Fahri has dragged me. Oh my Egypt I want to be forever yours. But Fahri has found his Nile and it isn't me because Fahri and me is different , but I still love him GOD, I love him !! Aisha close the diary and couldn't resist her tears. Her diary revealed that she had secretly fallen in love with him and upon knowing of his marriage, she had no desire to continue living. In order to regain her consciousness, Maria’s mother approach Aisha and ask her a favor which many women will object to – asking her to let Fahri’s marry Maria. Aisha, already troubled to find solutions to free her husband from the unjust court ruling in Egypt, without much hesitation agreed and told Fahri to marry Aisha. Maria came to see Fahri in jail and told everything, she asked him to say something to Maria and she recorded it , hoping Fahri's voice can wake Maria up. Fahri refused  till finally he agreed after Aisha pleaded him to do so. Fahri started recording his voice " When the first time I met you, I know you are a kind woman , you are honest and straight forward , to be honest I was amazed by you. Fahri was shocked after Aisha asked him to say that He loves Maria, Time's up and Aisha had to go. She said " Think properly Fahri, this is for us" then she left, Fahri said " Aisha I love you. " In the hospital Maria was getting worse. Aisha came to see her. She put the recorder beside Maria's ear and turned it on " There Fahri voice , At the hot and congested Metro, there's a christ's girl tha amazed me, confessing for the greatness of Al-qur'an  the bounching Surah Maryam. ) The nurse said that Maria really getting worse and hoped that Fahri himself comes here and talks to Maria. The lawyer asked a permission for Fahri to get out of the jail for at least three hours to meet Maria by using Aisha's right as a German citizen. After given a permission Fahri came to see Maria, The nurse asked Fahri to talk to Maria , By holding Maria's hand Fahri began to say " You remember the mango juice often you made for me? Or how often you asked me to buy you CDs? Or your Basket which is often fell down. because it was to heavy to carry my books that you borrowed , Wake up Maria! Fahri recalled. The nurse said that her eyes have begun active but she still to weak. Aisha moved closer to Fahri and said " Tell her that you will marry her!" Despite knowing the permissibility of polygamy, Fahri refused as it was his principle that he has not wish to marry more than one (Fahri said "Aisha , I was chosen you for the name of Allah and you are my soul mate." / " Soul mate is Allah's secret , Fahri. A part of Maria is muslimah , she needs you and the baby inside my womb needs it's father). Previously, Nurul had even written a letter suggesting polygamy for him as she had also fallen in love with him. However, after being persuaded. Fahri finally agreed and Aisha took out her wedding ring and pass it to Fahri. Although she had initiated it, El- Shirazy’s managed to show her humane side when she felt jealous witnessing the marriage took place. Finally, Maria woke up after  Fahri said that he loved her. " Have you remember when we talked about soul mates by the Nile ? You have found your soul mate Maria, " Fahri kissed her forehead (on the other hand Aisha went off the room and cried her heart out :( ) Maria woke up and said " Fahri , don't ever leave me again! " Maria's mother cried overjoyed went out the room to find Aisha and she kissed Aisha's hand and hugged her. In the next day in the court room the justice asked " Does defender have new witnesses? And Maria managed to testify Fahri’s innocence. Noura was shocked after they mentioned about Maria. She said " I boldly testify in the name of God who knows all ..At that time when I helped Noura to hide from his step father she borrowed my cell phone and called her friend , Khadija.. she said that Her father willing to sell her, Khadija asked where she was ad she told her that she was in my place and told her friend that I, the one who saved her from her father." Before Maria continue , Noura got up and interrupted " It was Bahadur's fault , it was he who raped me,   he has despised me for a long time. That day I purposely  passed in front of Fahri's flat  because he hadn't answered my love letter, I love Fahri . When I knew Fahri was already married, My heart broke " She cried. " So you chose to lie? " The lawyer asked , and she said that she was afraid to lose her both parents again , And fahri exclaimed " Your parents will forgive you Noura". So after that Fahri was declared to be free from all charges. Fahri went out thankfully of the court with his both wifes . Maria moved in and lived with Aisha and fahri . At night Fahri can't decide with whom he will sleep, everytime Aisha asked " where do you want to sleep?" But he just stay quiet. He finally sleep in the sofa. The same when time for breakfast , Fahri tried to break the ice and asked both of them, what should they do today, but they just looked at each other without saying a thing . When Fahri helped Maria to walk and get up from her wheel chair, Aisha seemed to be a little jealous, also when everytime each of them call Fahri to their room, It's too complicated for Fahri's mind . One time Aisha saw Fahri and Maria kissing and she wasn't prepare for it yet. and  she finally decided to move for a short time. Fahri asked " where are you going Aisha? She anwered " I want to visit the grave of mother in Turkey with uncle Iqbal"  " Why is it so sudden, why with uncle iqbal? I can accompany you!' continued Fahri.  But Aisha said that He has to take care of Maria . " But your womb Aisha, Our baby?" / " Please Fahri, I need time to be a lone, For the sake of all of us , Fahri!! Aisha went off , Maria looked from behind the door. On the other day, Fahri told his problem to his friend " I am confused, How to unite Aisha and Maria? " / " I don't even have one wife yet , RI. How will I know to handle two? replied his friend jokingly. /" I'm tired Ful " . / " Now this what I know. You will never be able to unite them, all you can do is just try to be fair , But remember It's difficult to be fair to one wife, how about two? It's all back to your faith , surrender everything to Allah." advised his Friend.  Aisha didn't go to Turkey because her uncle didn't want to accompany her to turkey , it's too fast. Aisha told his uncle that she needed time to understand all this . " Accept sincerely Aisha! " A sudden voice by Fahri.He came without anyone  realise " That's what I am trying to do, I can't sincerely accept that you are wealthier than me. I can't sincerely accept the condition the three of us with Maria. And I don't know what is fair and how to be. I will learn more . But in order to do that, I need you !!"  Aisha moved closer and kissed Fahri's hands . She finally came back home , welcomed by Maria's warm smile . Maria hugged her. The next day they begun like the real family who love each other, laughing together. everywhere together . In the garden Maria was sitting next to Fahri talking to each other, when Fahri asked her what does she want to be , she said that she want to a famous novelist. and she asked AIsha " what are you doing Aisha? " Aisha replied that she just taking a walk " Your mom said if I want to give birth smoothly I need to walk often, you will also have to do it when you get pregnant later  "  Suddenly Aisha cried in pain seemed she wanted to give birth. Fahri ran AIsha to the hospital. At the same moment Maria's nose started bleeding. She was in pain  and had taken to hospital too. At that time Aisha just a little tired, She is not going to give birth yet. Aisha told Fahri if the baby is boy she will named him Yusuf (Joseph). Then Fahri continue asked " If a girl?" Aisha thinking for long " If a girl?.......?? Eh Honey, have you visited Maria? " Fahri smiled " I just did, I will buy you some food " Aisha answered " Buy some for Maria too, okay?! " . Fahri nodded and left. " For three of us " . In the dark night outside Maria was sitting on her wheelchair opening her diary, She opened page by page and cried. The nurse came and took her in to her room. Aisha kept waiting for Fahri to come back from buying food, But she waited for quite long and Fahri did't appear. She went out and walked to Maria's room. There Maria sit alone. And AIsha drew herself to sit  next to her . " WHere 's Fahri Aisha? Can you please help me ask Fahri to come over! " Her voice trembling . Aisha get quickly up and went to call Fahri. Again Maria's nose was bleeding. Not for so long Fahri came to the room and found out Maria was lying helplessly on the bed. " Maria! Maria! Maria! " "Get the nurse, quick! " He asked AIsha. But Maria quickly hold Aisha's hand asked her not to go. " Forgive me, Fahri, Aisha! " Her eyes was tearing, her nose was bleeding. " Maria, you have done nothing wrong, why you should apologize? " / " I ...I apologize not for my faults... Now I realize..to love and to posses are two different things...Forgive me Fahri, Aisha..forgive me! " . Aisha cared Maria's back asked to cool down. Maria grabbed Fahri and Aisha's hands " Fahri, teach me how to perform sholat! I would like to pray with two of you " Aisha and fahri Got ready to perform Sholat with Maria. Maria cleaned her body by Tayamum (clean using dust by touching the wall because she couldn't get up and use water). She recite Shahadah " La illah Ha illalah, muhammadur rasullalah (There is absolutely no deity worthy of worship except Allah, and Mohammad (saws) is the Messenger of Allah.), Allahu akbar " Maria close her eyes and smile, she passed away.  Aisha was crying in her prayer, and Fahri leaded to perform sholat. After finished performing sholat. AIsha got up and looked Maria " Maria! Maria! Fahri....Maria! " Fahri called Maria " Maria...Maria.....Get the nurse " But he knew Maria was already gone "Inna lillahi wa inna ilaihi raajiun / surely we belong to GOd and to HIM shall we return!" Aisha hugged Fahri and Cried sadly, Maria has gone. Fahri remember long time ago when he was standing by the Nile with Maria " Do you believe in soul mates Fahri? " / " Yes, everyone has..." / " their own soulmate , that's what you always say right? , I think The nile and Egypt are soulmates, If there was no river nile, there would surely be no Egypt, there would be surely no civilization, only desert , Praise Allah you have found your soulmate , Fahri". The end. 


Here the movie :)
The movie ( Ayat ayat Cinta )

Not brave enough to take a step

The melody of the song stuck in my head for quite long time. It's the love song, yet sad one . NO matter how much I tried to resist , but it's always remain there. Sometimes I feel to get lost at the present moment. I feel that I can't bear to handle my feeling anymore. Each time questions pop up on my mind, Should I continue or turn the button off. On the other hand, it's really hard choice for me, I'm stuck between hard rocks. Promise and desire is stay in my head eating my brain cells. It's not easy to understand, however, I should make a better decision for everybody. I'm at the corner of my thought thinking that I really feel cheesy and quirky . Smiling sour at the corner of my lips. I don't have to tell everyone about my reason, it's not complicated yet bitter enough to go through my throat. I keep wishing to stay focus on my hit and left everything behind. But I need to clear everything and walk peacefully. I'm getting tired of the situation but I have no way to get out. Time? Yeah, I'm waiting to the right time before my tiredness gets my heart weaker and weaker. How miserable.. . Each moment I look down and stare at my toes, I can't resist tearing. I want to be a good person but there's a wall  which I couldn't break. I tried  to turn the point of every conversation that I don't wish to continue. But I feel bad to break someone's feeling. On the other hand, I really hope to drop it. I can't stand it. What's the deal if I continue like this? I need your help OH Allah...!! What should I do? I ask for your guidance in each of my prayer. I can't bear to continue. How do I find a solution for this without hurting other people's heart? Give strength to be brave oh GOD, Amen!

Keep praying to Allah for the solution!

My Feather TattOO

Saturday , March 17, 2012. Again I felt terribly blue. I had a fight yes, a weird discussion . Everyday I feel depressed because of this feeling but deeply in my heart I have love toward him, what to do? However I understood very well, love and possess are two different kind of things. I've to choose or know exactly what I really want. Each day I feel afraid ,these both  eyes are holding fear, fear of hold and lost. Each time I hardly breathing, I want this emotion off my chest I don't understand what people are thinking, I just care that I'm suffering. Suffering from my own feeling. The more I think about it,The more it  chokes my throat. Oh God... I knew exactly what to do but I feel unsure to take my step. I wish something to take a place for this. I'm not strength enough to do it. Though I really wish to fly away, up high, nowhere, out of existence, nobody will ever notice me. Give a space oh God. This situation is pushing me to the very small corner. It occupied all spaces I should have. Give me a strength oh God. Take me to the right path. Get me free :( , Amen ........ That day really I wish to die, no...I just want  to get away. Every time we fought over the same case, I'm sick of it. Really got nothing to discuss meh....???? But anyway it's over , so I hope it won't happen again. Oh yeah.........Look at this drawing below! You know this is the feather tattoo. NOT a real tattoo of mine but I drew it. Not bad though. I think I have skill in drawing emmm.... Just one of things I like to do. This means courage, spirituality, freedom, I means that I need to free my thought. Any time I draw my imagination faraway, you know what is it like. I feel like living in the imaginary street hahahaha... I need some freedom, Free my thought. Free my thinking, Free my heart maybe :D . That's why I drew this feather with many birds fly. :)

Do you see this picture, It also feather written to be free one day just like what I have been talking. I wish to be free, do what I want to do, no boundaries and  no one will ever stop me, This dreams keep me strong, I should protect it. God helps me Amen!

Down in the dumps

On that day was Thursday, March 15, 2012. I didn't  feel alright, I heard kinda unpleasant bout me somehow, it was just make me sick and felt moody the whole day. I've been thinking about a lot of problems you know, I wish no one load me more with unexpected matter. I felt that Unpleasant words continue whispering in my ears, It was on my back all the time. I remember since that day morning I forgot to shove in my headset, listening to mp3 as usual, However it's really work a lot. I don't wish to listen what other's conversation about or I just don't want to care about anything here. I tried to do what I've to do. I tried to be done my works at once. Bothering other people problems doesn't keep my nose clean, it just leaded me down in the dumps. Who care about you, he,  she, they, and stuff they are heading. That's not my business. I'm not a nosy person. Duh!!! Can't stand such a people !

My Wonderful English Learning site.

English, Baby! I should tell you guys that Ebaby site is one of the great parts in my life.! I think I've been there being a member since a year ago, I can never forget that my dream was started from there. I learned a lot about people, cultures, and the world. Ebaby has opened up my heart for the beauty of the world, about the sense of friendship, about the great connection between people and the world. I guess I shouldn't have gone through all these experiences without knowing Ebaby at first. I thank God for the these great fingers had ability to run over that most wonderful site ever, I say EVER because it means a lot for me, I have never known great site as Englishbaby before, I think we were destined to know each other. I sound talking like it's my boyfriend hehehe but it's true, ENglishbaby is too dearest for me, you should check it out, and I would be glad if you share with others. Then you will realise the value of this site :) . And here I share also my poem for ENglish Baby .

When I left you away,  Baby!
I felt really broken heart.
I just try to tell you the truth,
My life without you was blue.


When I was away from you,  Baby!
I felt lost half of my breath.
I just try to assure you, 
My feeling for you is true.


When the first time I hold you close, Baby!
I felt where I belong to be. 
If you try to get my off,
I feel really off the cuff.


You should know my mind, Oh Baby!
I've been thinking of you a lot. 
My absence to be here,
Made my heart grow fonder.


Come and open your heart, Baby!
Let me in ,where I should be,
Don't let this love kill me off! 
You are the one that I love! 


Thanks for your guidance, Oh Baby!
You've opened my heart,  you opened my sense,
You showed me my dream, that changed me so clear.
English, Baby! You've rocked my World! 

And this is the link for the site :
English, Baby!

Extra Ordinary YOU

You always interest me and therefore I always love you, though it's too difficult to show how much I love you but just to let you know I never wish you to watch me walk away, I'll always be there to tell a joke and something stupid or just tell you my boring daily activities. I know you'll always be there for me too. It's useless to give me your cold shoulder however I knew that will be more than enough. You are

everything interesting and exciting in the world. You make experiencing anything worthwhile and enjoyable. As long as you’re around, everything is right, and nothing bothers me. Still be here watching the wind to bring you back. :)
The miracle shone right into my eyes when you entered my life. I didn't expect what you were about to be, everything came so sudden but true, apparently life showed us such wonders, that our hearts stay close and wondering how could this happened to us. You brighten my day and give a strength to carry on, nothing sweetest than your great spirit to be strong beside me. Thank you for being everything to me, You revealed the deepest emotion and feeling I've kept inside my heart for so long. You showed me the real colour of love. I'm waiting for the right time to come along, so that I can share everything I've been keeping.