Saturday , March 17, 2012. Again I felt terribly blue. I had a fight yes, a weird discussion . Everyday I feel depressed because of this feeling but deeply in my heart I have love toward him, what to do? However I understood very well, love and possess are two different kind of things. I've to choose or know exactly what I really want. Each day I feel afraid ,these both eyes are holding fear, fear of hold and lost. Each time I hardly breathing, I want this emotion off my chest I don't understand what people are thinking, I just care that I'm suffering. Suffering from my own feeling. The more I think about it,The more it chokes my throat. Oh God... I knew exactly what to do but I feel unsure to take my step. I wish something to take a place for this. I'm not strength enough to do it. Though I really wish to fly away, up high, nowhere, out of existence, nobody will ever notice me. Give a space oh God. This situation is pushing me to the very small corner. It occupied all spaces I should have. Give me a strength oh God. Take me to the right path. Get me free :( , Amen ........ That day really I wish to die, no...I just want to get away. Every time we fought over the same case, I'm sick of it. Really got nothing to discuss meh....???? But anyway it's over , so I hope it won't happen again. Oh yeah.........Look at this drawing below! You know this is the feather tattoo. NOT a real tattoo of mine but I drew it. Not bad though. I think I have skill in drawing emmm.... Just one of things I like to do. This means courage, spirituality, freedom, I means that I need to free my thought. Any time I draw my imagination faraway, you know what is it like. I feel like living in the imaginary street hahahaha... I need some freedom, Free my thought. Free my thinking, Free my heart maybe :D . That's why I drew this feather with many birds fly. :)
Do you see this picture, It also feather written to be free one day just like what I have been talking. I wish to be free, do what I want to do, no boundaries and no one will ever stop me, This dreams keep me strong, I should protect it. God helps me Amen!