I have no idea, again I'm trapped between the emptiness. I do feel exhausted , left, but I don't feel lonely.

Expect the Unexpected

I've been feeling quite weird, something must have been not right with me, I couldn't say that I'm not actually okay but I talked a lot today, to my aunt to my dad, I didn't understand somehow. I expect too much things in my life, I just couldn't let it go with the flow. See! I'm working hard for what I really want to be happen in the near future. This is a dream. Every time my mind catches with so many beautiful things, and I'm sure they wouldn't come easily or instantly. I believe we need to work hard just to get it. Life full of surprise but planning is necessary sometimes. It will keep balance and keep a good direction for what we are heading. Life is full of unexpected moment. So I expect the unexpected. Here my poem, new fresh poem from my complicated mind.
Enjoy!

I know what I do is a strange thing, 
But I can't stop or pause it ending, 
I know what are people thinking, 
But I keep quiet and still pretending,
I know life brought me so much pleasures,
Its uncountable and keep in mind at first,
I should be grateful and not careless,
Because I vowed my dream to the universe,

 Keep expecting unexpected thing,
Keep admiring without known being,
Keep destiny and dreams in silent praying,
I know that God is listening, replying,
 Gives answers for my journey in happy ending.

Patience through time

"I've no reason to feel insecure. Something might coming perfectly, I guess I need a little more time to do better than this. It's gonna be a shame of me if I giving this opportunity up. Because I don't want to tear myself away from the game. Love need process and patience. I might expect to be romantically involve with anything I desire though. But I always be careful for what I wish for. Think twice act wise, I really wanna practice it in my real life. On the other hand I found out myself too hard on my own imagination. You know it's kinda unhealthy stuff for me. However , I understand it is not completely rotten. I've self confidence even I'm not qualified person who applies. I'll reach miles away with my patience....!!! Wait for me, Love.......... ♥

Unconscious

Last night I hold my cell phone to sleep, I forgot what I was checking at that time or I guess I was looking at the picture till I fallen asleep. Not for long I clearly remember that my phone dropped off my hand to the side of my bed. I felt unconscious and really sleepy so I just didn't bother about it. The next morning my grandmother woke me up as usual. So I grab my phone which usually I put beside me. I was surprised that I didn't find it there. I got up and on the light to look for it. And in the end I remember what was happening last night, I shifted my bed and found my phone there, dirty, dusty and messed up with rubbish. But thanks God that it was alright, because usually my phone always broke into pieces whenever in once drops. Anyway, why I keep looking at that picture? Hi picture, don't try to mess up with me!!!! I'm warning you!

Little star

I think I over excited for what I have been thinking about future, or I should say I expected too much about it. Well.. There was a star sparkling in the sky, It delighted my eyes, I wasn't quiet sure about it lighted exactly for me, but I should say that it was really bright my previous days. You see how much it took some of my confident out. And I admit that I was happy to see it. Just because I was too over excited or some how what? I don't know what to say but now I am feeling down, just because I don't see the star anymore. Once the star spoke to me that it was a lightning , you know what? A spark that light before rain , that's the sign, I don't wish it to comes in sudden and goes immediately . I remember the smile, that's I only remember... The smile

Through the blackest night, morning gently tiptoes, feeling its way to dawn.

Young people and the fool

Today I had quiet serious conversation with my sweetheart and he told me something I should remember. I'm not quite sure about it but after I read understand it carefully, think about it more times, then I obtained it's truth , he said that he was borrowing si'ir (verse) Sunan Bonang (ma'dum ibrahim): 


* YOUNG PEOPLE AND THE FOOL 
Many people are being imprisoned by the mind, creation, good nature, the devil satan, dreaming endlessly which lead them to something meaningless. PEOPLE FALL INTO THE HELL  OF THE WORLD  because drowned by Panca indra ( five senses ) , pursuing the wonderlust of Five colors  BLACK, RED, YELLOW, AND WHITE, ONCE IN LARGE AMOUNTS, absorbed INTO his body. I miss my first life, when I still pure and never known dream , never known directions, Never known black, red, white, yellow green, blue . When will I be back to my first life. My Born in the world of death is so hard because I have a heart as people which contained new characters.


It is not easy to understand , yet we need special thinking to get the verse's meaning. But I had very much time listening to this kinda stuff before and I had a conclusion that if I had a choice or human had a choice, they wouldn't be born into the world. Human born to the world is actually only to serve God, but the beauty of natures delight our eyes so that we forgot our first mission. In this case the verse told that he missed his first life, life when he was holly pure, without sin because he hasn't born to the world yet. He has not smelled the sense of the the world, the world which full of lust, colors, dust, dirt, and any kinda human behaviors who live in it . Could you imagine what I mean?

In my opinion, this is what we call it trials or testimonies . Don't just want to get what really want hey Human! Because nothing comes instantly, you have to fight in your every pace in your whole life.


To be continued......................